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In my travels around the web to avoid doing any real work at the office, I often come across links I want to share with someone.  Generally I send them to my wife, who finds the political ones depressing.  So who wants to be depressed?  Come and get it!

Those of you who read BoingBoing have probably already seen many of these.  Hopefully your browser will show the already-seen links in a different color.

Yeah, I know: this is long and has no connecting theme.

anti-Bush:

• Here is McChimpy skating around the issues.
• Joke: Brazillion.

( click here for more links to click on )

This year, kid ^#2 is in Cub Scouts, so of course he had to have a mini racecar made of pine to race against the other kids in a "derby".  I have no previous experience with this Rite of Boyhood.  I was never a Scout.  My late brother was a Boy Scout one year, but never a Cub Scout before that.

I'll spare you most of the sordid details of how my wife and I converted the raw materials into something that kid ^#2 could call "my car".  There were heated words, bruised egos, storming off in a huff, and occasionally even some "working together on the car" (this is an obscure allusion to ozarque's theories of New Left politics).  It was a good thing that kid ^#2 did not have much of an opinion on the engineering details, so he was rarely caught in the middle of these fights over "his" car.

* * * * * *

The pinewood blank came in a box with instructions.  The instructions used a "cheese-wedge" shape for their example carving, so I went with this reference design, cutting the basic shape freehand using a RotoZip spiral saw.  It's the only electric saw I have, and the bit was a little too small to go completely across the wood, so I did it in two swipes, that of course didn't quite line up, leaving lots of sanding for kid ^#2 (and Wifey) to do.  Additional sanding work was required to smooth out the imprints from the C-clamp I had used to hold the wood still while sawing.

Having thus cut off about half the wood, the car was now too light.  It should be about 5 ounces.  Wifey wanted to buy official pinewood derby car weights for $2.49.  I made my own for $0.30, drilling three holes near the rear wheels using a Forstner bit in a handheld electric drill (both of these were presents from Wifey on different holidays; note that the hyperlinked article says Forstner bits do not belong in handheld drills, but that's the only kind I have).  This procedure involved repeatedly inserting pennies into the holes, getting them back out again, then drilling a little deeper, to ensure that each hole was barely deep enough to hold 10 pennies (kid ^#2 helped with the pennies).  Because I'm a klutz and a spaz, one of the holes ended up too close to the groove where the rear wheels go.  This led to some harsh words from Wifey (we should have gone with the official weights) but it was too late to turn back now.  The C-clamp made more dents in the wood, which Wifey sanded out again.

Next was painting and decal-ing.  Kid ^#2 wanted a bright red car.  Wifey wanted to get primer, and paint, and a glossy top-coat.  I got a single bottle of "bright red" hobby paint.  Kid ^#2 put on two coats (Wifey supervised) and then he applied some leftover "lightning bolt" stickers he had.  My poor workmanship showed through the paint, which Wifey thought reflected badly on us as parents but I thought made the car more believable as something a 6-year-old might have made.

Finally it was time to install the wheels.  The front wheels were unproblematic.  I got the axle-nails started in the grooves, then had kid ^#2 finish hammering them.  One of the rear wheels seemed to go in crooked.  When I wiggled it, the tiny piece of wood between the axle-groove and the penny-hole broke off (hey, pine is a softwood).  Then there was no longer anything to hold the wheel in place.  This led to additional harsh words from Wifey.  (If we had just gone with the commercial weights this never would have happened!  You are a miserable excuse for a Dad.)  But it was too late to turn back now.

I tried hammering the axle-nails into the wood adjacent to the groove, but the wood split, so I glued it back together.  I tried drilling pilot holes (using a titanium drill-bit, another holiday present from Wifey).  But I'm a spaz and a klutz, so the pilot holes didn't line up properly and only three wheels touched the ground.  So I gave up on that and glued the axle into what was left of the groove.  Wifey nearly had a conniption when I reached for the C-clamp again--she rushed over with a piece of cardboard to protect the wood.  But the glue failed and the wheel fell off.  So Wifey glued it, holding the car like a baby until the glue set.  Success!  Then all that remained was to install the 30 pennies and then hold them with tape (Wifey trimmed the tape so it wouldn't spoil the appearance of the car's painted/decaled sides).  Still, the alignment was a bit off--sometimes only three wheels would make contact with the ground.

We told kid ^#2 that his car would probably not win and might even come in last.  Kid ^#2 obviously watches way too much Fairly Oddparents, because he asked, "What if I come in last and everybody else is tied for first place?"

Race Day
Today was Race Day.  At weigh-in, the car was too heavy, so we removed the tape, extracted three pennies, then put on a new piece of tape (Wifey trimmed again).  The race officials lied to the kids, telling them that their cars would go faster if they screamed really loud while the cars were heading down the raceway.

Each car participated in three "heats" (each one being a 3-way race).  In two of the heats, our car came in 2nd, while in one heat it actually won!  Overall the car was second-fastest among the first-graders, which made us wonder whether the blasted thing might actually have won if we had put graphite on the axles (like the 1st-place winner had done and like Wifey had wanted to).

The 1st- and 2nd-place winners from each of the grades then participated in a town-wide race to see who would go on to represent the town at the county-wide races.  Kid ^#2's car came in last for two of the heats, but won once!  However, this wasn't good enough to go on to the county races.

One of the town-wide finalists had a car that kept disintegrating.  When it hit the end of the raceway, its wheels would go flying off in all directions.  But our car stayed in one piece all day.  It was unexpectedly sturdy.

All the kids got patches and beads, and a certificate of participation, and a commemorative frame (suitable for hanging) for display of their car and certificate.  Kid ^#2 also received a "1st runner-up" award.  (Damn that inflation--a kid in 2nd place should not receive an award that says "1st"!)

Not such a bad day, after all. (   )