Horse

[pyesetz]

I wrote a furvey back in 2004.  It was only the second furry thing I ever published, yet still today much of it rings just as true (or false) as it ever did.  The main thing I would change is that the “bird” character should actually be a “blind fox” who can’t even tell what his own species is.  In my Furry Fandom travels since then, many people have mentioned that I seem to have a Fox Inside® that I never talk about, and are pleased when I tell them that “Pyesetz means ‘fox’ in Russian” like somehow that explains things.

Unfortunately, I can’t just do a global search/replace to change “bird” to “fox” because then question 28 (external manifestations of furriness) would no longer make any sense — in the historical event being recounted, I actually did use an avian reproductive metaphor, not a vulpine one.  I have put in approximately zero study in the ways of foxes.  Did you know that fox eyes have vertical pupils like cats?  It was not until this year that I finally did a Google image-search to confirm that.

The word “cat” occurs six times in the furvey.  In question 21 it is what people mistakenly call me because they don’t know a fox when they see one.  In question 30 it is the furry species of some random girl I once met.  Whenever a cat is mentioned, it is always in the role of “Not Me“.

The word “horse” occurs only once, in question 38 (the spiritual-reincarnation animal).  There is an oblique reference to a TV show called Mr. Ed that aired 50 years ago.  Only his co-star Wilbur could hear Mr. Ed talk, sort of like the original Mr. Snuffleupagus on Sesame Street that only Big Bird could hear.

YouTube shows 239,000 results for the query “MR. ED”, including many complete episodes from season 3 (seasons 1 & 2 are on Hulu, which prohibits access from Canada).  I am afraid to watch these old episodes, for fear that the show will not be as good as I remember.  But I did dare to watch the one-minute sketch Mr. Ed and the Dodgers.  Good God, those special effects were horrible!  The scene of Mr. Ed sliding into second base looked positively painful.  And never mind the impossible physics of Mr. Ed batting the ball with his teeth!

But maybe that was the point after all.  A talking animal is ridiculous, as anyone with horse sense knows.  Mr. Ed was an impossible illusion and he wanted you to know that, so you could laugh along with him at the absurdity of his existence.

*Ahem*  Anyway, it was just a TV show.  About a horse.  Of course!