THESIS: It's possible to not have fun at a FurCon

Well, I didn't *quite* prove my thesis, but I came close.

My original plan was to arrive at AnthroCon at about 3 PM on the last day.  But "things" happen, so I ended up leaving the house about 15 minutes late.  I brought along some driving directions from MapsOnUs which were, um, totally bogus!  Those guys are usually pretty reliable, but the directions took me to a spot about 5 miles away from the hotel's actual location.  After driving around in a spiral pattern for awhile, I eventually threw the directions away and looked the place up in my dead-tree book of national street maps.  Well, duh!  I sort of knew the area and could have gotten there with no trouble by just winging it, if I hadn't stopped by the computer first, or if I had used AnthroCon's directions instead of those from a generic site.  I wanted computer-generated directions so I wouldn't have to think about how to get to where I was going, but the computers failed me and I actually had to engage my brain momentarily.  An inauspicious start, to be sure.

It was after 4PM when I finally arrived at the Con.  The dealers' room was shutting down for closing ceremonies and not admitting any new customers.  The door guards told me that everything else was already shut down and there was nothing further to do at the Con until the ceremonies at 5.  I spent 45 minutes getting nowhere trying to talk to anyone.  There were 2500 furs in the hotel, throngs of them wherever I went, many of them wearing Con badges with names, but the only familiar name I saw was giza, who seemed super-busy as head of Ops so I didn't want to interrupt him.  I was supposed to meet mrcougar, but I didn't have his cell-phone number (I could have asked the hotel for his room's phone number, but I forgot that his RL name is now the same as his handle).  I *did* have tygermoonfoxx's cell number, which I called a few times--eventually I got through to her, but she was busy and didn't have time to meet; I forgot to ask her to call Cougar and ask him to call me.  Do you see a repeating pattern of forgetting things starting to show up here?  skytech had posted his room number on the message board, so I called him on the house phone--no answer.  I got sabotlours' room number because I happen to know his RL name (due to *two* snafus with headers on ALF posts in different years), but a roommate answered and said he had already gone down to closing ceremonies.

So I went to closing ceremonies--and found out why unclekage had complained about some furs just not getting the hygiene message: the auditorium *stank* of hy00mans.  Yeah, furry humans, but still I'm glad I took a shower before heading out to the Con.  Kage is a great speaker, a laugh every minute.  His voice reminds me of Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets.  But, fundamentally, his talk consisted of thanking everyone in the known universe for their part in making this a great Con (which I hadn't attended) and responding to suggestions from an interminable line of con-goers, most of them insisting on theatrical pontification despite Kage's requests to please hurry up.  For each suggestion submitted by a fur, Kage would patiently explain why the idea was bad because (a) the Con was already perfect; (b) they had tried that before and it didn't work out; (c) they had already thought of that idea but forgot to try it this year; (d) the idea is unworkable due to the realities of the hotel industry and/or the laws of physics; or (e) "Would you like to sign up to be the implementor of your idea?  Solid!  What's your badge number?"  Closing ceremonies were supposed to run 90 minutes, but actually ran for over 130, despite Kage's repeated requests to send suggestions by email.  *sigh* Furries--gotta love 'em!

As the hour approached 7, I started to get anxious.  Sabot had said the Homesteaders would assemble then to connect riders with rides to the restaurant--but he hadn't said *where* they would assemble.  I called his room; no answer.  Skytech's room; no answer.  I checked every entrance to the hotel.  Each had a throng of tail-wearing furs, but no familiar nametags.  I checked with Ops; they'd never heard of the Homestead.  I tried calling Sabot again; the house phones were dead!  I checked each entrance again; some of the throngs had changed but I couldn't read some tags and others were nobody I knew of.  (I actually passed by kellicjtiger several times during this period, but couldn't read his tag).  My eyes were starting to hurt from trying to read all those tags.  I got even more anxious.  There was just me and this group of furs I couldn't find.  "YOU ARE DINNER" I screamed as I bashed the fish's head against a... wait, wrong story.

Eventually I just gave up and proceeded to the next rendezvous point at the restaurant, driving my empty minivan (specially cleaned for the riders I couldn't find).  My computer-generated directions for this leg of the trip contained a second major error, which I caught by noticing one of those bridge-signs that gives the name of the road you're passing under while on a superhighway (thank you, PennDOT).  As I entered the restaurant parking lot, outside the front door was a crowd of people, some with tails hanging off their butts.  Success!

I parked the car and said hello to Sabot.  He mimed "don't recognize your face".  I pointed to the enlarged LJ icon on my shirt pocket.  Ah!  Somebody remembers me from online!  Then smrgol_t_kirin said hello to me.  Ye gods, it's an unsolicited conversation!  I guess I've finally arrived at this convention.

Dinner was okay.  Smrgol and I talked about the crap we put up with at work.  At one point Skytech went on a roll and starting streaming off-the-cuff free-association jokes.  Stuff like that.  After dinner, I talked briefly with innerwolf, who suggested I attend the "dead dog" party after the con.  Then I drove my empty minivan back to the hotel.

The dead dog party consisted of people, many in fursuits, some with their heads off, either dancing or cooling off in front of fans.  Also there was a DJ who needed a serious talking-to from OSHA about acceptable sound-pressure levels.  Smrgol was organizing a card game, so I went to his room, which was quieter.

Smrgol wanted to play Fluxx, so I played it with him and camstone and mooivos.  It's a game where every card played changes the rules for playing further cards, eventually resulting in amusing situations (if you're the type to laugh at logic puzzles).  I won the first round I ever played!  Camstone won the second round.  Then it was time to head home before Wifey would start to get worried at 1 AM.

And that was my first-ever Con trip!  Yeah, I'm lame.  I'm really lame. (   )