pyesetz | 100 Things About me That you Probably Didn't Want to Know

Pharyngula linked to Bobbie Jean Pentecost's snarky "50 Reasons Why I Reject Evolution". Her previous post was "100 Things You Probably Didn't Want to Know", reproduced here with answers replaced:

How old will you be in five years? I will be eligible for membership in AARP (which, despite its name, also accepts Canadians and Mexicans).
Who did you spend at least two hours with today? Does sleepy-time with Wifey count?
How tall are you? Yes.
What do you look forward to most in the next six weeks? My next paycheque can't get here soon enough. Also: Passover!
What's the last movie you saw? Don't remember. Possibly some "Chanukkah Family Video Night" thingy.
Who was the last person you called? Using a telephone? My dentist. Owwwie!
Who was the last person to call you? Wifey asked me to come to the kitchen to help her find a jar-opener.
What was the last text message you received? Some spammy ad years ago, back when I had a cellphone that could receive such things.
Who was the last person to leave you a voicemail? Dentist.
Do you prefer to call or text? I like email. It just sits there until I feel like dealing with it (if ever).
What were you doing at 12am last night? Working.
Are your parents married/divorced? My mother is a widow.
When did you last see your mom? Several years ago, a few days before she boarded the plane for Israel to live with my sister.
What color are your eyes? Brown.
What time did you wake up today? Sort of earlyish for me. It was 10:45 AM, which immediately became 11:45 AM after I adjusted my watch for daylight wasting time.
What are you wearing right now? Just clothing. I have not annointed myself with any intestinal secretions from male cervines.
Do you like Christmas songs? Not especially.
Where is your favorite place to be? At the keyboard.
Where is your least favorite place to be? Falling out of a spaceship, accompanied by a bowl of petunias that says "Oh no, not again!"
Where would you go if you could go anywhere? The future.
Where do you think you'll be in 10 years? The maximum likelihood estimator seems to be that I will continue to be living on the Earth at that time.
Do you tan or burn? I do not process animal hides as a hobby.
What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child? Neurotransmitter secretions from the amygdala axis. The horror!
What was the last thing that really made you laugh? What does "really" mean? If it wasn't memorable enough for me to immediately put my paw on it, then it wasn't "really" funny, right? So if I have to go searching for it on the web, then it's the wrong answer, right? Well, there's this bit of silliness…
Make up your own question. Is abortion a heinous crime or an inalienable right? Neither; this is like asking whether photons are "really" particles or "really" waves. They are both and neither; the question is undecidable as long as you insist on choosing between two wrong answers.

How big is your bed? King size, baby!
Do you have a laptop or desktop computer? It sits on my lap but it has more computing power than Wifey's desktop machine—muhahaha!
Do you sleep with or without clothes on? Depends on whether I'm trying to catch a meow-nap in a public place. Also depends on whether "sleep" is being used euphemistically.
What color are your sheets? Sheets of what? My rap sheet is a bleached 20-lb ultrabright bond. I do not read scandal sheets. Three sheets to the wind, perhaps?
How many pillows do you sleep with? Two.
What is your favorite season? Elmer-hunting season!
What do you like about winter? It eventually ends.
What do you like about the summer? Warm breezes.
What do you like about spring? The formulas in physics for describing how they respond to forces and levers and pulleys and such.
What do you like about autumn? It's not winter yet.
How many states/provinces have you lived in? Denial, apathy, hope, urgency, uncertainty—plus a pair of US states and a Canadian province.
What cities/towns have you lived in? In Massachusetts, when I said that I lived in Lexington, kids would ask, "Kentucky?". Apparently The Midnight Ride of Paul Revere isn't of much interest to today's youth.
Do you prefer shoes, socks, or bare feet? Yes, any of them are preferable to peglegs, wheelchairs, or the stereotypical brain-in-a-vat situation. I generally prefer socks, but the concrete floor of my ~~basement~~ computer programming ~~lair~~ office is rough and crumbling, so I have to wear slippers most of the time and replace them at least once a year.
Are you a social person? I am not a member of Bernie Sanders' political party.
What was the last thing you ate? Breadsticks. Note that the entry on that page for "San Francisco Style" is unclickable.
What is your favorite restaurant? The pizza shop across the street is tops for convenience and the food isn't bad, either.
What is your favorite kind of ice cream? Cold. When I was a youngster, my preferred flavour at ice cream parlours was mint chocolate chip, because it was unpopular and so the container was rarely opened and much colder than the plain chocolate.
What is your favorite dessert? Ice cream. Most other sweet things bother my teeth.
What is your favorite kind of soup? Chicken with matzoh farfel.
What kind of jelly do you like on your PB & J sandwich? I haven't eaten a PB&J in years. When I worked at Company ℳ, my bag lunches contained a sandwich with crunchy peanut butter with raspberry jam on pumpernickel.
Do you like Chinese food? Yes.
Do you like coffee? No, I prefer Coca-Cola®.
How many glasses of water, a day, do you drink on average? Less than one. Fruit juice!
What do you drink in the morning? Coke®™℠⁂!
This is not a question. Oh yeah‽ Well this ain't no answer, neither!
Do you sleep on a certain side of the bed? Yes.
Do you know how to play poker? I used to, but I've never played Texas Hold'em.
Do you like to cuddle? It has some appeal.
Have you ever been to Canada? Yes, I have entered this Northern country several times—in fact, more times than I have left it!
Do you have an addictive personality? Yes.
Do you eat out or at home more often? Home is more convenient.
Do you believe in ghosts? More than I believe in unicorns or invisible omnipotent sky-dictators who will send me to hell if I fail to daven exactly in accordance with rabbinical dicta.
Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you? No. Yes. The little girl I used to babysit (daughter of one of the founders of Company ℳ) is exactly 13 years younger than I am.
Do you want kids? Sometimes I wish they had "off" switches.
Do you speak any other languages? Нет, мне невозможно расговарывать по-русски! אין אני ידיעה לומר בעברית!
Have you ever gotten stitches? Yes, I have a scar under my beard and another under one of my eyebrows.
Have you ever ridden in an ambulance? Yes, I was the patient.
Do you prefer an ocean or a pool? They each have their charms, although pools tend to be warmer.
Do you prefer a window seat or an aisle seats? Back before everything changed in 2001, I used to prefer the window seat. Now I drive or take trains.
Do you know how to drive a stick? Having driven one from Massachusetts to Wisconsin, I can say with some clarity that I most certainly do *not* know how.
What is your favorite thing to spend money on? I like buying food because it doesn't accumulate. Stocks and bonds ditto—they're just book-entries on some computer someplace.
Do you wear any jewelry? Nought but my digital watch.
What is/are your favorite TV show/s? Mythbusters and the Colbert Report.
Can you roll your tongue? No, but I have been known to roll my ℜ's on rare occasions.
Who is the funniest person you know? Sometimes I think I don't really know anybody.
Do you sleep with stuffed animals? Not my own.
What is the main ring tone on your phone? One of the pseudorandom tunes it came with.
Do you still have clothes from when you were little? I still wear some shirts from high school, which was almost 30 years ago, but Wifey has a nasty habit of throwing them away.
What red object is closest to you right now? My heart has a negative distance from my body. A box of saltines. A carton of Coca-Cola®™℠⁂☢☣☤☠.
Do you turn off the water while you brush your teeth? I use a Water-Pik®.
Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? In my previous house, the closet doors remained open because it was too difficult to close them. In this house, my "closet" is actually a separate room out in the hallway and we manage to close it despite the clothes-hangers drooping from every wall.
Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees? It is much easier (though still not "easy") to reason with a bear.
Do you flirt a lot? My heart is so cold, if I burst into song I could start an Ice Age.
What do you dip a chicken nugget in? An asian salad with arugula, mandarin orange slices, crunchy noodles, and a Thai sauce.
What is your favorite food? Breadsticks. Note that the entry on that page for "San Francisco Style" is unclickable.
Can you change the oil on a car? Into what?
Have you ever gotten a speeding ticket? Not in this century or country.
Have you ever run out of gas? Yes. My gas gauge was faulty.
What is your usual bedtime? Later than you can possibly imagine.
What was the last book you read? I'm still working on Freakonomics.
Do you read the newspaper? I prefer websites such as CanWest (Jewish-owned) and Globe & Mail and McClatchy.
Do you have any magazine subscriptions? Not any more. I used to read Science News, but it wasn't news anymore by the time the issues arrived.
There is no #88.
Do you watch soap operas? No. Or, to quote Ms. Pentecost: "I'd rather be harpooned up the ass by a giant unsanded tree limb with a cheese grater on the end while being forced to watch looped Uwe Boll movie footage."
Do you dance in the car? Of course not—ice cream doesn't have bones!
What radio station did you last listen to? AM 570 Kitchener News Radio.
Who is in the picture frame closest to you? There are no picture frames on this floor of the house. There is a painting of some rough seas, but it is unframed and contains no "who".
What was the last note you scribbled on a piece of paper? I was going to write down how many doses I had taken of Penicillin (supposed to take two pills each for the first eight doses, then one pill each, to prepare for tomorrow's tooth extraction) but the friggin' plastic label can't be written upon.
What is your favorite candle scent? Thankfully, candles have an "off" setting.
What is your favorite board game? I used to like Scrabble®, until ka_crow unfriended me.
There is no #96. Furries! Gotta love 'em!
When was the last time you attended church? I have never attended a church service, although I stood around in the lobby of a Catholic church while they did their "Mass" thing—my sister's college graduation was next on the schedule in that building.
Who was your favorite teacher in high school? I liked Ms. Paula Norton in junior high.
What is the longest you have ever camped out in a tent? Overnight, after getting a sunburn and dosing up on aspirin.
Who was the last person to do something extra special for you? Wifey.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Some of those are straight answers to straight questions. I'm not sure that's allowed! But while you're in the mood, why only 98 questions?

Coke®™℠⁂!

The Collins series of foreign-language dictionaries uses the symbol ⁂ to mark offensive words and phrases...

#88 and #96 were missing.

⁂ to mark offensive words and phrases...

Yes, and ☢☣☠ are also signs for "offensive" things, in their own ways.

straight answers to straight questions. I'm not sure that's allowed

These failures to continue the second-order pattern "snarky answers to questions" are unexpected, and thus they are continuations of the third-order pattern "questions with unexpected responses".

25, 50, 88, and 96 don't count as questions, and 36/37 are printed on top of each other due to most curious consequences of an example of incorrect html tag usage. So there are still only 95 questions. Should we consider ourselves to have been lied to?

25, 50, 88, and 96 don't count as questions
Ms. Pentecost detected the problems with #25 and #50. I claim that the problem with #25 was repaired by my addition of an italicized question.

36/37 are printed on top of each other due to most curious consequences of an example of incorrect html tag
Indeed, most curious. Amazing what one can fail to see after endless rereadings of the same monotonous list.

Should we consider ourselves to have been lied to?
I am not sure. After

loganberrybunny pointed out the (obvious in retrospect) missing #88 and #96, I considered editing the "(yes, there really are 100 of these")" text in the <lj-cut> tag since it is literally false. What do you think?

I dunno. Looks like you fixed it now...
As usual, the main reasons I seem to have to read your posts extra-carefully are strange html and php coding, as well as all of the interesting links (http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/three-sheets-to-the-wind.html) you throw in. :-)

You got two wrong!

#67 - take a look at your left hand

#97 - You attended my brother's wedding and my father's memorial service, both of which took place inside churches.

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